The Ugliest Player I Ever Signed Was

They Love Me For What I'm Not They Hate Me For What I Am.

Being Thick Isn't An Affliction If You're A Footballer, Because Your Brains Need To Be In Your Feet. And Beckham Works Hard, He's Brave And He Crosses A Ball Superbly. He Treats A Football Like He Does A Wife, Lovingly, With Caresses.

I’ve Decided To Pick My Moment To Retire Very Carefully – In About 200 Years’ Time.

I'm Sure The England Selectors Thought If They Took Me On And Gave Me The Job, I'd Want To Run The Show. They Were Shrewd, Because That's Exactly What I Would Have Done.

Walk On Water? I Know Most People Out There Will Be Saying That Instead Of Walking On It, I Should Have Taken More Of It With My Drinks. They Are Absolutely Right.