There's No One, No One, Loves You

I Have Never Seen A Situation So Dismal That A Policeman Couldn't Make It Worse.

A General And A Bit Of Shooting Makes You Forget Your Troubles ... It Takes Your Mind Off The Cost Of Living.

Pound Notes Are The Best Religion In The World.

I Have A Total Irreverence For Anything Connected With Society Except That Which Makes The Roads Safer, The Beer Stronger, The Food Cheaper And The Old Men And Old Women Warmer In The Winter And Happier In The Summer.

I Was Court-martialled In My Absence, And Sentenced To Death In My Absence, So I Said They Could Shoot Me In My Absence.