There's No Way I Can Justify My

If You're Wearing A Bluetooth Thing And You've Got That Thing On Your Belt, You Are Working For Somebody Else. You Are Not The Guy In Charge. That's A Really Good Social Status Indicator.

You Know What I Worry About? I Worry That When I Hit My Head, It Pushes My Hair Into My Brain, And It Will Eventually Kill Me.

I Don't Know What People Are Going To Think Of My Stand-up. If You Only Know Me From 'the Price Is Right' And 'the Drew Carey Show,' Then You Might Be A Little Bit Shocked. I'm A Little Dirty And A Little Opinionated But All In Fun.

I Don't Care If My Jokes Are Appropriate For A Kid.

I Was In The Band When I Was A Kid, I Played The Trumpet.