I Was In The Band When I

I Wanted To Do A Show Based On What My Life Would Be Like If I Had Never Become A Comedian.

The Laughs Are Honestly Bigger, ... They Are The Kind Of Unexpected Belly Laughs You Get With Your Friends During Conversation.

I'd Buy Joke Books And Try Doing Them At School; I Always Had Jokes. That Would Be My Go-to Thing At Parties: I'd Be Able To Get Through Them If I Just Told Enough Jokes. Otherwise, I Wouldn't End Up Talking To Anybody.

You Know What I Worry About? I Worry That When I Hit My Head, It Pushes My Hair Into My Brain, And It Will Eventually Kill Me.

Listen, You Don't Know Any Better So I'll Just Tell You. You Can't Try To Save Money By Not Having The Right Beer. You Know, You Can Skip Having Medical Insurance, You Can Buy Everything You Own At A Swap Meet But The Right Beer Is What Makes Living Like This Possible.