Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

I've Been Drunk Only Once In My Life. But That Lasted For Twenty-three Years.

Never Eat At A Place Called 'moms', But If The Only Other Place In Town Has A Sign That Says 'eats', Go Back To Moms.

It's A Funny Old World. A Man's Lucky If He Gets Out Of It Alive.

Dentists, Lawyers, Doctors Are All A Bunch Of Thieving Bastards.

You Can't Cheat An Honest Man.