Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

It's A Wonderful Thing, The D.t.'s. You Can Travel The World In A Couple Of Hours. You See Some Mighty Funny And Curious Things That Come In Assorted Colors.

No One Likes The Fellow Who Is All Rogue, But We'll Forgive Him Almost Anything If There Is Warmth Of Human Sympathy Underneath His Rogueries. The Immortal Types Of Comedy Are Just Such Men.

Happiness Means Quiet Nerves.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

I Never Drink Water. I'm Afraid It Will Become Habit-forming.