To Me, Comedy Is A Game.

Man Versus Woman Equals Fun. Man Versus Man Equals Gay. Woman Versus Woman Equals Awesome. Man Versus Pillow Equals Crazy. Pillow Versus Pillow Equals Crazy Awesome - That's A Real Pillow Fight Right There. You See Two Pillows Fighting, You Know Something's Going Down. They're Designed For Relaxation. If They're Fighting, What Hope Do We Have? One Time I Saw Two Geese Fighting, And I Was Like, 'this Is A Pillow Fight Ahead Of Time.

I Think They Should Put Pies On The Fronts Of Trains, So That When They Hit Something It's At Least A Little Bit Funny.

At Any Minute, I Am Four Minutes From A Poncho.

Laborers Want Their Kids To Be Merchants Or Business People. Business People Want Their Kids To Be Professionals. Professionals Want Their Kids To Be Academics, Professors. Academics Want Their Kids To Be Artists. And Artists Don't Care If Their Kids Are Laborers Or Not. They Can Be Anything.

The Bird, The Bee, The Running Child Are All The Same To The Sliding Glass Door.