What's The Two Things They Tell You

What's The Two Things They Tell You Are Healthiest To Eat? Chicken And Fish. You Know What You Should Do? Combine Them, Eat A Penguin.

I Gotta Quit Smoking, Doctor's Orders, And The Drinking, Court Orders.

I Tell You One Thing That's Great About Children. They Don't Need A Show To Have Fun. What Do They Need? A Book Of Matches, Some Oily Rags, A Little Brother... That's All They Need.

Even Now, As We Speak, People Are Having Sex With Animals. And We Wonder Why The Animals Attack Us.

I've Never Had A Surprise Birthday Party. I've Had Every Other Type Of Surprise. I've Had Surprise Beatings, Surprise Drug Tests, Surprise Daughter I Think.