When I'm In Front Of An Audience,

I'm Onstage For An Hour.i Do An Hour Of Stand-up. Actually, I Do 10 Minutes Standing Up And 50 Minutes Sitting In A Chair. Oh, Occasionally, I Stand Up Again To Do A Dance Or Put Over A Song. But Mostly I Sit Down. A Great Invention, Sitting Down.

I Love To Sing, And I Love To Drink Scotch. Most People Would Rather Hear Me Drink Scotch.

Acting Is All About Honesty. If You Can Fake That, You've Got It Made.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.

I Must Be Getting Absent-minded. Whenever I Complain That Things Aren't What They Used To Be, I Always Forget To Include Myself.