When I Was A Kid, I Had

A Man Will Go To War, Fight And Die For His Country. But He Won't Get A Bikini Wax.

I Burned Sixty Calories. That Should Take Care Of A Peanut I Had In 1962.

I Paid Attention To Not Being A Comedian, And Just Concentrated On Being Who I Was. That Is What You Have To Do. If You Say You Are A Comedian That Has Been Done Before. If You Just Be Who You Are Then You Are Unique. Everyone Is Unique.

Women Are More Accommodating. If A Woman Drinks The Last Glass Of Apple Juice In The Refrigerator, She'll Make More Apple Juice. If A Man Drinks The Last Glass Of Apple Juice, He'll Just Put Back The Empty Container.

The Closest I Ever Came To A Menage-a-trois Was When I Dated A Schizophrenic.