You Know What Keeps Me Humble? Mirrors!

I'm At An Age When My Back Goes Out More Than I Do.

When I Go To The Beach, Even The Tide Won't Come In.

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.

I Met My Husband When A Friend Sent Him Over To My House To Cure My Hiccoughs.

No Matter What Time Your Guests Arrive, Pretend They're Early, So Naturally You're Not Ready.