You Know Who Must Be Very Secure

As You May Have Heard, Former President Bill Clinton Says He's Coming Here To California To Help Governor Gray Davis In His Recall Election Campaign. Which Is Ironic, Isn't It? When Clinton Was President, He Couldn't Recall Anything.

Ratings For The Xfl Are So Low That Pretty Soon They'll Be Able To Address The Viewers By Name.

Real Movement In The Kerry Campaign Now. His Poll Numbers Are Moving, Donations Are Moving, Endorsements Are Moving. The Only Thing Not Moving Is His Hair.

Genetic Scientists Say That One Day It Will Be Possible To Grow New Body Parts, Like New Breasts And New Hands. It's Going To Be A Huge Moneymaker, Because You Know That As Soon As Women Grow Another Breast, Men Will Want Another Hand.

In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner Thanked His Loved Ones - Tobacco Lobbyists, The Oil Companies, The Ceos.