A Guy Walks Into A Pub With

I Went To The Dentist. He Said "say Aaah." I Said "why?" He Said "my Dog's Died."

I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost 3 Days Already.

I Backed Horse Last Week At Ten To One. It Came In At Quarter Past Four.

So I Went To The Chinese Restaurant And This Duck Came Up To Me With A Red Rose And Says "your Eyes Sparkle Like Diamonds". I Said "waiter, I Asked For A-romatic Duck".

'doc, I Can't Stop Singing The Green Green Grass Of Home. 'that Sounds Like Tom Jones Syndrome'. 'is It Common?' 'it's Not Unusual.'