I Ate One Anchovy, And That Is

Look At The Limes In This Drink, How They Float. That's Good News. Next Time I'm On A Boat, And It Capsizes, I Will Reach For A Lime. I'm Saved By The Buoyancy Of Citrus.

People Teach Their Dogs To Sit; It's A Trick. I've Been Sitting My Whole Life, And A Dog Has Never Looked At Me As Though He Thought I Was Tricky.

I Walked By A Dry Cleaner At 3 Am, And There Was A Sign: "sorry, We're Closed" You Don't Have To Be Sorry, It's 3 Am, And You're A Dry Cleaner! It Would Be Ridiculous For Me To Expect You To Be Open! I'm Not Gonna Walk In At 10 Am And Say "i Walked By Here At 3 And You Were Closed - Somebody Owes Me An Apology!"

When I Was A Boy, I Laid In My Twin-sized Bed And Wondered Where My Brother Was.

I Saw This Wino, He Was Eating Grapes. I Was Like, "dude, You Have To Wait".