I Can't Afford To Die; I'd Lose

I Must Be Getting Absent-minded. Whenever I Complain That Things Aren't What They Used To Be, I Always Forget To Include Myself.

It's Good To Be Here. At 98, It's Good To Be Anywhere.

I Like Women To Be Attracted To Me. See, When You Get 60 Years Old, And They Know You're 60, The Only Women You Can Get Are 55-year-old Women, And I Like Younger Women.

I Thought To Myself, 'why Not Write A Bestseller?' In The First Place, More People Buy Them And More People Read Them. You Make More Money And It Doesn’t Take Any More Time To Write A Bestseller Than It Does To Write A Book Nobody Buys.

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.