I Can Tell How Lonely I Am

I Got Into Stand Up Just To Do Stand Up Because I Love Stand Up.

I Used To Get Bummed Out When It Rained; Then I Realized That It's God's Way Of Washing Off Hippies.

I Am What I Eat. And I Am This Especially When I Bite My Nails.

I Wonder How They Deal With Mice At Disney World.

I Saw A Dog Wearing A Sweater And I Thought That Looked Ridiculous 'cause Dogs Don't Have Arms. If You're Going To Put Clothes On The Dog, You Should Put Two Pairs Of Pants On It.