I Don't Feel Rivalry. I'm The Least

If It's January, I'm Dead In Three Hours. But In June, I'd Be Hungry, But I'd Make It Out. I'd Find My Way Without A Map Or Compass. I Say That With Confidence. I Can Build A Fire Without A Match.

My Job Was Basically To Look At A Good Friend Completely Naked And Rub Lotion On Her Back. I Was Naked Too, But I Got To Put A Towel On Almost Immediately. So I Was Like, "well, This Is Going To Be Embarrassing, But It's Also Going To Be Kinda Awesome."

I Didn't Really Feel 100 Percent Comfortable Until We Started Working On The 2004 Election.

Once I Found Out How Much An Off-off-broadway Actor Makes, I Was Whoring Myself Out The Next Day.

It Started Off For Me As Just Wanting To Be An Actor And Sort Of Resenting In A Weird Way Being Expected To Write As Well As Be A Comedian And An Improviser. And Then You Think About It For A Minute, And I Smartened Up And Realized That The Only Way To Sustain A Career Is To Generate Your Own Material. Or To Be In Control Of Your Career As Best You Can. And In Allowing Yourself To Do That It Opens Up A Whole New World Of Possibilities. And Then You're Like "oh, Producing Is A Thing."