I Had Never Done A Roast, But

Three Weeks Ago One Of My Dreams Came True. I Finally Got To See Something I Always Wanted To Witness Live. I Finally Saw Someone Get Hit By A Car... Nailed!

I Found Someones Passport On The Ground Tonight. Where Do You Sell These Things?

Time Machine... Wouldn't You Like To Travel Through Time? I Would. I'd Go Back... Mess With People. You Know What I Would Do? I Would Go Back To When My Mom And Dad Were Having Sex, To Have Me. Ya'know, Come In, Spank My Dad On The Ass I'm Your Son From The Future! Ahaha!

I Just Get Excited Doing Shows. Off Stage I Am Actually Very Feeble And Must Be Spoon-fed Because My Hands Are Too Brittle.

Comedy Crowds - We Always Want To Come Out And Ask You, 'how You Feeling?' We Always Say That, 'by A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel?' Right? 'by A Round Of Applause, How You Feeling?' It's The Only Place In The World That You Judge How You're Feeling By A Round Of Applause... There's Never Like A Car Accident, People All Over The Ground, People Running Over - 'ma'am! Ma'am! By A Round Of Applause, How Do You Feel? By A Round Of Applause - She's Not Clapping!