You Need To Open Up Your Soul

Nothing Is A Better Icebreaker Than A Great Joke.

I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going To Open Up An Appliance Store, I've Always Really Been Into Toasters. I'm Giving It All Up.

When I Have A Really Hot Date At A Show, I Definitely Make It A Point To Use Her Name. The Girls Really Love That.

I'm Bringing Back The Skinny Tie But Wearing It Tied Around My Balls.

I Can Smell Bullshit From A Mile Away But It's So Much Harder To Detect When It's Around You All Day.