I Love Hecklers. They Remind You That

I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going To Open Up An Appliance Store, I've Always Really Been Into Toasters. I'm Giving It All Up.

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.

Valentine's Day Is A Time To Celebrate The Joy Of Being In Love. Unless You're Single & Lonely Then It's Called Laundry Day.

I Don't Have To Do Anything For Anyone Else's Benefit Anymore. I Just Want To Exceed My Own Expectations.

I Did Stand-up Comedy For Seventeen Years. I Need To Explore Other Things.