I'm A Comic, So I Like To

I Found A Way For Her To Fall Asleep, Paris Hilton, Talk To Herself.

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

I Was At Yankee Stadium One Time At 5 A.m., But That Was To Buy Angel Dust

Everytime I Go To Vegas, I Seem To Incur Some Kind Of Fine.

Have You Ever Googled Yourself? I Did, Most Depressing Thing Ever. People Have Websites Hoping I Die At 38.