I’m Never Without A Bandage.

There's Always An Adjective Before My Name, And It's Never A Nice One.

The Last Time I Appeared In Las Vegas, They Were Wearing Hoop Skirts And Davy Crockett Hats, ... But They Say 'what Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas.' And As Far As Fashion Is Concerned, That's A Good Thing.

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Me On Stage Is Someone Ran Forward To Tell Me They Loved Me And Projectile Vomited All Over The Stage. It Was Horrible.

I Will Only Praise Someone Who Can't Take Anything Away From Me.

Oprah Winfrey Is So Powerful That She Had The Rapture Postponed Until After Her Final Show Airs.