I Never Wanted To Be Famous.

I'm A Joke Comic. I Tell Jokes.

You Ever Make Fun Of Someone So Much, You Think You Should Thank Them For All The Good Times You've Had?

I Went Skiing Today, Too, Yeah. I Didn't Wanna Go. The Girl I'm Stalking Wanted To Go, So... I'm Not Kiddin!

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

For Me, Molly Hatchet Is High School. It Makes Me Feel Like I Have Hair And A Future.