I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

I Go To Pick Up A Girl In A Bar. I Say Will You Go Home With Me? She Says I Don't Know, Do You Have Cable? I Say No, But The Rope Should Work Just Fine.

Lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

Pentiums Melt In Your Pc, Not In Your Hand.