I've Always Had A Special Place In

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You, You Don't Have To Blow It Up. You Just Have To Slow It Down Long Enough For Our Country To Rotate Out Of The Way.

I've Always Kind Of Pushed The Envelope In Terms Of Trying To Get Away With Things No One Else Was Going Near. I Always Thought Of Myself Like A Mouse Trying To Get Cheese That No One Else Could Get Without Getting Their Tail Snipped Off.

When I Went To College, My Parents Threw A Going Away Party For Me, According To The Letter.

Once I Was In A Restaurant And I Dropped My Fork On The Floor, And They Gave Me A New Fork. So I Pushed My Girlfriend Out Of Her Chair.