I Will Respect This Liver. After All,

I'd Have To Be Superman To Do Some Of The Things I'm Supposed To Have Done, I've Been At Six Different Places At Six Different Times.

To Call Keegan A Superstar Is Stretching A Point.

Me And A Mate Picked Up Two Darling Birds And They Took Us Back To Their Flat. I Went Into The Bedroom With My Bird And She Started Getting Undressed. I Was That Drunk I Was Standing There Wondering How To Get Undressed Without Letting Go Of The Award. I Went To Sit On The Bed, Missed It By Four Feet And Ended Up Lying On The Floor. I Remember The Bird Looking Down At Me, And Saying, ‘some Player Of The Year.’ Then I Fell Asleep. I Woke Up Still Clutching My Award And Staggered Out Of The Flat. I Hadn’t A Bloody Clue Where I Was.

Cristiano Ronaldo's Was The Most Exciting Debut I've Ever Seen. There Have Been A Few Players Described As 'the New George Best' Over The Years, But This Is The First Time It's Been A Compliment To Me.

If I Had To Choose Between Dribbling Past 5 Players And Scoring From 40 Yards At Anfield Or Shagging Miss World, It'd Be A Hard Choice. Thankfully, I've Done Both