My Father Used To Beat Me With

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.

I Have To Stop Crying When I Watch "the View". It's Not Because Of The Topics At Hand, I Just Feel Sorry For That Couch.

I Dream Of Starting A Three-man Country Trio Called The Chixie Dicks.

I Tend To Think Of Myself As A One-man Wolf Pack.

I Don't Like Cursing In Movies. I Feel Like Cursing Has Become The New Hackiness. You Try To Find Substitutions For Cursing.