My Parents Had Very Strict Rules For

My Sister Gained 80 Pounds Expecting Her Baby. Well, You Get Nervous, Waiting For Those Adoption Papers To Clear.

I Try Not To Talk During The Day When I Have A Show That Night. My Voice Is My Instrument, Just Like A Saxophonist's Instrument Is His Saxophone, Plus Also His Voice, If He's The One Between Tunes That Makes Announcements.

I Tried Body Surfing Once, But How Often Do You Find A Corpse?

The Other Day A Woman Came Up To Me And Said, Didn't I See You On Television? I Said, I Don't Know. You Can't See Out The Other Way.

Thinking Up Jokes Is Easy. The Hard Part Is Trying Them Out On Stage, Because You Never Know If They're Funny Until You Get There. Not One Comedian In The World Ever Really Knows.