My Real Last Name Is Galifianakisburg.

My Father Used To Beat Me With His Belt...while It Was Still On Him.

Element Of Surprise Is Really Fun For Me In Comedy. I Have To Be Surprised, And Everything's Been Done.

When I Was In High School I Used To Sit By Myself In The Cafeteria - Not Necessarily By Choice - But I Thought It Was Funny To Talk To People That Weren't There.

You Know It's Time To Do The Laundry When You Dry Off With A Sneaker.

Don't Boo People! Don't Boo! Be More Specific! Like, 'why Are You Doing That?! I Hate That! I Hate It!'