My Real Last Name Is Galifianakisburg.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

My Stand-up Is More Like How I Am In Real Life. I Don't Really Do A Character Thing In Stand-up. It's Just A Bunch Of Sentences That Are Supposed To Be Funny.

The Other Day, I Got A Henna Tattoo That Says "forever."

I Haven't Been Hit Since Leon Spinks Hit Me In '92.

I Understand Tea Partyers' Anger With The System, But They Are In Way Over Their Heads And Often Racially Motivated, And I Can't Be Part Of That.