Old Age Is When You Resent The

In What Other Business Can A Guy My Age Drink Martinis, Smoke Cigars And Sing? I Think All People Who Retire Ought To Go Into Show Business. I've Been Retired All My Life.

If I Paid Ten Dollars For A Cigar, First I'd Make Love To It, Then I'd Smoke It.

If I Paid $3 Or $4 For A Cigar, First I'd Sleep With It.

First You Forget Names, Then You Forget Faces. Next You Forget To Pull Your Zipper Up And Finally, You Forget To Pull It Down.

In Those Days The Best Painkiller Was Ice; It Wasn't Addictive And It Was Particularly Effective If You Poured Some Whiskey Over It.