On Halloween, The Parents Sent Their Kids

She Failed Her Drivers Test. She Couldn't Get Used To The Front Seat. It Took Her Four Lessons To Learn To Sit Up.

[on 8/24/04, Before Entering A Los Angeles Hospital For Heart Valve Replacement Surgery] If Things Go Right, I'll Be There About A Week, And If Things Don't Go Right, I'll Be There About An Hour And A Half.

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

My Cousins Gay, He Went To London Only To Find Out That Big Ben Was A Clock.

My Kid Wants To Be A Prison Warden When He Grows Up So He Can Put Thumb Tacks On The Electric Chairs.