Only Lie About The Future.

George Burns Has Been On My Show Twenty Or Thirty Times, Or Maybe More. How Can You Turn Down A Guy That Age?

Never Use A Big Word When A Little Filthy One Will Do.

Happiness Is Sitting Down To Watch Some Slides Of Your Neighbor's Vacation And Finding Out That He Spent Two Weeks In A Nudist Colony.

I Am One Of The Lucky People In The World; I Found Something I Always Wanted To Do, And I Have Enjoyed Every Single Minute Of It.

I Wouldn't Have The Slightest Interest In Running For Public Office. I'd Rather Make Jokes About Politicians Than Become One Of Them.