Only Lie About The Future.

As You All Know By Now, This Is The 51st Annual Academy Awards. Two Hours Of Sparkling Entertainment Spread Out Over A Four-hour Show.

I'm An Entertainer, Not A Commentator. If You're A Comedian Your Job Is To Make People Laugh.

The Price Of Christmas Toys Is Outrageous - A Hundred Dollars, Two Hundred Dollars For Video Games For The Youngsters. I Remember A Christmas Years Ago When My Son Was A Kid. I Bought Him A Tank. It Was About A Hundred Dollars, A Lot Of Money In Those Days. It Was The Kind Of Tank You Could Actually Get Inside And Ride In. He Played In The Box It Came In. It Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson. Next Year He Got A Box. And I Got A Hundred Dollars' Worth Of Scotch.

I Know A Man Who Gave Up Smoking, Drinking, Sex, And Rich Food. He Was Healthy Right Up To The Day He Killed Himself.

I Never Analyze It. Analyzing It Would Just Be A Waste Of Time. I Just Go Out And Do It.