The Battle Of The Sexes Will Never

I Once Had A Large Gay Following, But I Ducked Into An Alleyway And Lost Him.

When I Was A Kid I Used To Pray Every Night For A New Bicycle. Then I Realised That The Lord Doesn't Work That Way So I Stole One And Asked Him To Forgive Me.

I Think It's Good To Know More Than The Average Guy. If I'm In A Bar Now And Some Pretty Girl Is Talking To Some Handsome 24-year-old Man, I'll Say, "okay, Who's The Emperor After Caligula? What Chief Mistake Did Marcus Aurelius Make In Choosing A Successor?" He'll Just Look Like An Idiot. She'll Just Gravitate Toward Me, I'm Thinking. It Works In Detroit.

For Some Reason, Religious Jokes Seem As Trivial As Jokes About Food Or Driving.

I've Always Thought The Best Way To Teach A Kid Not To Be Scared Of The Dark Is To Fill His Daylight Hours With As Much Horror As Possible.