The People Voting For The Oscars Are

Two Is Company; Three Is Fifty Bucks.

Mick Jagger Could French-kiss A Moose. He Has Child-bearing Lips.

The Last Time I Saw A Blonde With Red Streaks In Her Hair She Was Laying On Oscar Pistorius' Bathroom Floor.

I Was So Ugly That My Parents Sent My Picture To 'ripley's Believe It Or Not' - They Sent It Back And Said, "we Don't Believe It."

The Thing Is, I'm Happiest When I'm On Stage.