When A Man Has A Birthday, He

I Could Never Be In A Cult. For Starters, They Never Accessorize Properly. David Koresh Had No Fashion Sense, Jim Jones Wore Leisure Suits, And I Don't Care How Charismatic Osama Bin Laden Was, An Ak-47 And An Insulin Drip Do Not Take The Place Of Drop Earrings Or A Well-placed Brooch.

I Was The Last Girl In Larchmont, Ny To Get Married. My Mother Had A Sign Up: "last Girl Before Freeway."

The Psychic Scars Caused By Believing That You Are Ugly Leave A Permanent Mark On Your Personality.

I Hate Housework! You Make The Beds, You Do The Dishes And Six Months Later You Have To Start All Over Again.

I Love Gay And Lesbian Parents. But I Think We Need A Law That Says Lesbians And Gay Men Have To Raise Their Children Together. This Way, The Kids Would Not Only Know How To Build Bookshelves, But They'd Also Instinctively Know How To Decorate Them.