When A Role Seems Fun It's Easy

I'll Never Forget My Grandmother's Last Words. She Said 'what Are You Doing?'

I Used To Be Really Cute. I Could Send You Earlier Photos Where I'm Stunning. But I've Gained About Twenty Pounds Over The Past Two Years, And The More Weight I've Put On, The More Success I've Had. If You Drew A Diagram Of Weight Gain And Me Getting More Work, A Mathematician Would Draw Some Conclusions From That.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.

I Get Burned Out On Standup. But I Like Acting. I Do Like It. But Sometimes You Just Feel Like A Monkey. You Just Feel Like A Complete Tool. But I Like It. I Do Like It. Stand-up Is Just More Free. A Lot More Freedom Because You Just Do What You Want To Do.

I Wonder If In 2050 There Will Be A Movie Called, 'dude, Where's My Spaceship'