You Might Be A Redneck If The

Thank God I'm At That Point In My Career Where I Don't Have To Take Stuff That I Don't Really Want To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Go Christmas Shopping For Your Mom, Sister, And Girlfriend, And You Only Need To Buy One Gift.

If Your Thighs Look Like The Hood Of A White Toyota Minivan After A Hailstorm, You Aren't Juicy.

Whatever Cleaning Goes On On The Planet, Women Do 99% Of It. But See, Women Are Not As Proud Of Their 99% As Men Are Of Our One! We Clean Something Up, We're Gonna Talk About It All Year Long. It Might Be On The News, You Don't Know. A Woman Could Be Out Re-paving The Driveway. Men Actually Have Enough Gall To Run Out On The Porch And Go "hey Baby? Man, It's Hot As Hell Out Here, Ain't It! Look, Don't Worry About Emptyin' That Ashtray In The Den, I Done Got It, All Right? Did It For You, Sweet Pea. I'm Gonna Go Take A Nap Now, All Right?"

Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.