I Drink Coffee With My Right Hand,

Sex After 90 Is Like Trying To Shoot Pool With A Rope. Even Putting My Cigar In Its Holder Is A Thrill.

If I Get Big Laughs, I'm A Comedian. If I Get Little Laughs, I'm A Humorist. If I Get No Laughs, I'm A Singer.

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink. I Get Drunk. I Fall Down, No Problem.

Being An Actor Is Easy, Just Picture Someone In A Room And You Outside Waiting For Your Cue To Go In. Elliot Gould's Been Trying That For Forty Years.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.