I Find A Duck's Opinion Of Me

I Was Booked Into The Riviera Hotel In Las Vegas With Three Other Comedians. We All Were Using The Riviera In-house Shampoo, So We All Had Equal Shine And Bounce.

I Like Refried Beans. That's Why I Wanna Try Fried Beans, Because Maybe They're Just As Good And We're Just Wasting Time. You Don't Have To Fry Them Again After All.

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

I'm Sick Of Soup Of The Day, Man. It's Time We Make A Decision. I Need To Know What Soup From Now On Is.

I'm Always On The Road, And I Drive Rental Cars. Sometimes I Don't Know What's Going On With The Car, And I'll Drive For Ten Miles With The Emergency Brake On. That Doesn't Say A Lot For Me, But It Doesn't Say A Lot For The Emergency Brake. What Kind Of Emergency Is This? I Need To Not Stop Now. It's Not Really An Emergency Brake, It's An Emergency Make-the-car-smell-funny Lever.