It Really Bothers Me When Some People

I Can't Defend Someone Else's Jokes. I Can Only Defend My Jokes, And I Have To Live With My Own Jokes.

It Really Bothers Me When Some People Say That All Cops Are Racist. Of Course That's Not True. Most Of You Are Just [expletive] To Everybody.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

Comics Just Don't Retire. They Either Die Young Or They Go To 100.

Life Is Tough, And If We Don't Laugh, We're Going To - Our Head Will Explode.