My Dog Learned How To Beg By

The Shape I'm In, I Could Donate My Body To Science Fiction.

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'

It's Tough To Stay Married. My Wife Kisses The Dog On The Lips, Yet She Won't Drink From My Glass.

Comedy Is In My Blood. Too Bad It's Not In My Act.

There's Only One Thing Wrong With My Wife's Face - It Shows.